


Without you.

by percyinpanties



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Loss and Grief, M/M, Past Character Death, possibly happy ending... in a way.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4285539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/percyinpanties/pseuds/percyinpanties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memory fades and for the blissfully sweet moments before he really wakes up, Percy feels as good as in his dreams. For just a second, Percy forgets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You big dork.” Jason was laughing, leaning into Percy ever so slightly. They were sitting on the dock by the lake, legs dangling into the water, and skipped stones across the surface.

“You’re just jealous of my mad skills.” Percy was grinning smugly, but his words only sent Jason into a new fit of laughter. It was dark already, almost curfew, and they really should be quiet, but Percy couldn’t bring himself to care. There was a light feeling in his chest, watching Jason catch his breath and wipe his hand under his eye made Percy feel strangely content. His grin turned into a softer smile, and when Jason looked up again, his expression mirrored Percy’s.

“What are you smiling like that for?” Percy huffed a soft laugh and shrugged, his eyes not leaving Jason’s. They seemed to shine brighter tonight, and even though Percy knew it probably was just his imagination, he couldn’t really stop staring.

“I’ve no idea.” He said finally, quietly, and watched as Jason’s eyes flicked over his face.

For a moment, it looked like Jason was leaning in, but then the shadows behind them starting shifting, catching Percy’s attention, and the moment was gone. The darkness thickened for the blink of an eye, then Nico stumbled into the light.

Percy scooted away from Jason, allowing Nico to sit between them without hesitation. In the years after the second war, he and Nico finally got their shot at really being friends, and by then Nico didn’t even mind Percy’s touchy habits anymore. Even though Percy always gave Nico the chance to pull away, the other boy rarely did anymore, and he didn’t now when Percy draped an arm over his shoulder. Percy’s fingers stretched out when Nico leaned against his side, brushing over Jason’s neck when he wound his arm around Nico on the other side and just like this, Percy felt at peace.

 

The memory fades and for the blissfully sweet moments before he really wakes up, Percy feels as good as in his dreams. For a second, Percy believes that Jason is not gone. that it wasn’t a memory, but real, that he can have this again. For a second he thinks that Jason isn’t dead and lost forever. For just a second, Percy forgets.

He forgets that he fucked up on a quest, that he failed to look out for his best friend and failed to save his life. For a second, the pain and the guilt isn’t as strong anymore.

But then Percy blinks, opens his eyes, and the cabin is just as empty as it has been every morning since Jason is gone. Reality comes back and it is just as devastating as it has been every time before. The room is empty and it’s cold and it mirrors how Percy feels on the inside.

The pain is numbing, and even now it still slows down Percy’s every move. He liked to believe that it has gotten better, but some days are worse than others.

For the first three days, Percy couldn’t even leave the cabin, not until Nico came by and told him to suck it up for an hour and come eat with him and while Percy appreciated the gesture, it was about the worst thing Nico could have said to him. He still goes, because Nico understands. He has lost people as well, has lost his sister and of course, he has lost Jason too, and Percy has never felt closer to the boy than after what happened.

It takes one week and a lot of threatening on Nico’s side for Percy to manage eating again. No one has to make him, Nico doesn’t have to glare at Percy for every single bite anymore. He simply sits down at the Poseidon table, takes small bites, chews slowly and forces it down his throat. He hopes it won’t come up again as soon as he is out of sight, like it has the days before, Percy hopes that the sick feeling will go away if he is willing enough. In the end, Percy is not that lucky and as soon as he’s back in the cabin it goes wrong and he’s hanging with his head over the toilet again.

It goes on like that for six days in a row before Percy manages to keep his food down. He knows he has to function, that he has to try, but every steps he takes makes him feel guiltier than the one before. How can he go on living when Jason is not there, not there _because of him_ , not there because Percy didn’t save him when he should’ve. When Jason gave his life where Percy’s was to be taken.  

Nico tries to support Percy, but it only makes Percy feel worse about himself. When Nico lost his sister, when Percy didn’t keep his promise to protect her, he hadn’t helped him at all. Percy had watched as Nico left, knowing that Nico was to deal alone with all this grief and pain. Percy realises now that he himself isn’t strong enough for that, he can barely do it with the support he has.

Annabeth tries as well, comes back to Camp Half-Blood even though she has to pause her courses for it. Ever since they broke up – _we just want different things in life, I’m sorry Percy, I can’t bear the thought of losing you altogether_ – Percy and Annabeth grew even closer than before. Granted they didn’t kiss anymore, or exchanged intimate touches like they used to, but in the end they work out a lot better this way.

Percy knows he can confide in Annabeth with just about everything, and he did right up until the day that Jason died. Now it’s harder. Thinking about her leads to thinking about him and Percy just can’t do that. Somehow, everything reminds him of his lost friend. The waves on the lake, where they used to sit and skip stones. The tables in the pavilion where they ate, sitting together instead of each on their own. The arena, the woods, his own damn cabin, too many that they memories made here. Some days, Percy can’t even look at Nico, for the friendship the three of them shared.

 

At night, Percy’s pain grows even worse. Jason used to sneak into Percy’s cabin sometimes, just to cuddle up to him when they both had a hard time sleeping alone. It was a thing they could do without questioning themselves, maybe because neither of them ever brought it up the morning after. Over time, they had come to be so comfortable around each other... Now even thinking about it stings.

The cabin is nothing lonely now. Percy feels cold and numb, his thoughts washed away like footprints on the beach, and most of all, Percy feels kind of empty.  There is no one to slow his frantic breathing when he wakes up from a nightmare, when he sees Jason die over and over again as soon as he closes eyes and it isn’t him who shakes Percy out of it, but his own screams. There is no around to hold him, to place a hand on his chest and whisper in his ear: “It’s alright, I got you.” There is no one there, and that alone is making it harder with every night passing.

Time is supposed to heal wounds, and you’d think it would get easier when the days go by, but it actually doesn’t. It is a lie. Wounds will open up over and over again just when you thought they had finally started to close.

Percy isn’t sure this one will ever stop tearing up.

Percy remembers grieving Luke. It was hard, but not as hard as it is now. For one, Luke had been past the point of saving, twisted in the hands of Kronos until there was not much left of whom Percy had thought and wanted Luke to be. It was easier for Percy to accept that Luke was gone, they never had gotten a real chance to be anything, barely even to be friends. No matter how much Percy loved him in the beginning, he knew Luke was lost before he was actually gone.

 

With Jason, it was different.

There was nothing in this world that could have prepared Percy for the sudden way Jason was ripped out of this life, nothing that could make up for all the things Percy didn’t say.

That thought tortured Percy now. Maybe, if he had cared a little more, if he had paid a little more attention, it would have helped him save Jason. But he didn’t and he couldn’t and he was too absorbed in his own fight to see Jason’s behind him.

 

Percy didn’t notice the claw piercing Jason’s chest until the steady presence at his back fell, and somehow they weren’t fighting together anymore, but Percy alone above the unmoving body of his friend.

Percy’s powers couldn’t heal him. He had worked on them a lot in the weeks that led up to this day, if he could use water to heal himself, why not use it to heal others? In the end though, Percy was no son of Apollo, and there was only so much he could do. His powers were no match for the gaping holes in Jason’s chest.

Percy had watched him die. Percy had to watch the light fade from Jason’s eyes, helpless, _useless,_ sitting there and clutching Jason’s hand as he coughed and sputtered until his lips were red with blood. All of Percy’s prayers to the gods went unheard, the ones he muttered under his breath with Jason’s face cupped in his hands, the ones that promised everything he had to give and the last one,  screamed into the sky with tears running down his face.

Percy had to watch Jason’s body go still and his eyes glaze over. It was Percy who had to wipe the blood from Jason’s mouth and close his lifeless eyes and it was him who carried the body of his dead friend all the way back to bury him. It was Percy who’d always be haunted by those imagines.

 

Nico had made the burial shroud for Jason, but when it was time, neither of them could stand watching it burn. Maybe Percy was still in denial then, maybe he just held a stupid hope that if he didn’t let go, Jason could come back after all.

The first three weeks pass, and while Percy starts to function better, his heart grows heavier. The immense grief in his chest overshadows everything else, and now that it started to become part of Percy, it makes room for the darker emotions. Loathing guilt, loneliness, wrath and an all-consuming lack of purpose that Percy couldn’t explain if he tried.

The nights he can actually fall asleep, Percy either screams himself awake, or chokes on his sobs until his brain rips him back into consciousness. Some days, he still can’t leave his bedroom.

Percy knows that his friends worry, he knows that he’s acting selfish. He isn’t the only one grieving and he isn’t the only one hurt, but to him his own pain still feels like the worst.

 

A month in, and the first people get fed up with his attitude. Their sympathetic looks turn into annoyed glares, their offers to sit with him fade, and some blatantly tell him to fuck off. Others just smile at him with pity, Percy isn’t sure what’s worse.

He doesn’t hold it against them, can’t really, he knows how seeing someone break apart can pull you down. It’s not like he can help it, neither pain nor guilt will fade just like this.

 

Two months and Percy starts socialising. He spends time with Annabeth and Nico again and they understand when he doesn’t joke like he used to, when he doesn’t reach out as much and when sometimes, he has to use all his willpower not to start crying for nothing. They are his biggest support, understanding his pain because they too are grieving. Percy feels guilty for relying on them so heavily, but every time he tries apologising for being a burden they scoff and sometimes they hug and they promise Percy that he’s not.

 

Three months in and Percy goes on quests again. Annabeth had the idea, and even though the thought was painful, it would make Percy feel needed again. She was right of course, there was an endless number of little things to be done and as long as Percy insisted on going by himself, he felt fine.

His fighting has gotten sloppier and his decisions are often reckless, and even though he won’t admit it, Percy is slacking on purpose. He won’t allow anyone to watch his back because he can’t have more blood on his hands, it doesn’t matter that it endangers him. Most days, getting hurt is a relief, and giving up is more tempting each time he gets a chance to, but somehow he still always makes it home. Much to Percy’s distaste, he seems to have an angel watching over him and more often than not, it’s only luck - or Will - that saves him.

 

It gets to the point where he isn’t _allowed_ to go alone anymore. Percy stays stoic for three days, but the time he now has on his hands leaves too much room for his thoughts to go dark and if he wants to get better _he really can’t have that,_ so he gives in.

Unsurprisingly, it’s Nico who ends up going with him. He has grown to be one of the best fighters Percy knows, and he is one of the most powerful demigods even without a sword, so he is at a small risk to die. Then again, so was Jason…

 

Nico and Percy aren’t half bad as a team and the more they fight together again, the easier it gets for Percy. The first two missions he is on constant alert and even though he _knows_ Nico can take care of himself, Percy takes the toughest fights on alone, and always takes the extra step to make sure Nico is not the one getting hurt. Nico doesn’t comment, and Percy is grateful.

 

By the time they go on their fifth quest, Percy has at least the decency to pretend that he isn’t watching out more for Nico than for himself. After his last stay in the infirmary,  Will had resigned to patching Percy up and giving him his worried look, but as soon as he got out, Annabeth came to talk sense into him. Percy suspects that it was Will who put her up to it, he’s the only one who got to see the real dimensions of Percy’s injuries, but in the end, Percy can’t even be angry at him for it.

Annabeth scolds him, to put it gently, about how it’s time for Percy to look out for himself as well. She makes a point of Percy not knowing how much it hurts his friends every time he comes back hurt and barely in one piece, and how much they fear he gets himself purposely in trouble. The worst part is Percy knows that she is right, as usually, and after their conversation Percy starts making an effort, if not a big one, to come back alive.

Nico notices, and when Percy dodges a blow for once instead of full on taking it, the other boy smiles at Percy uncharacteristically bright. It makes Percy’s gut twist strangely and he can’t tell whether it’s guilt or affection, but for some minutes, he feels a little lighter again.

 

On the way back from their sixth quest, Nico and Percy get caught off guard in a cave by a group of really angry dracanae. One of them remembered Nico and Percy from the battle of New York, and it fuels the whole pack with rage.

Nevertheless, it looks good for Nico and Percy at first, until Percy takes one wrong step and it causes Nico to lose his balance just as one of the dracanae brings its spear down in his direction. The only thing Percy can do to save Nico from getting hurt _...or worse..._ is to whirl them around and bring himself in the line of attack.

Before the spear can reach him though, a cold hand clasps around Percy’s shoulder and wrenches him back with enough force to send a ripping pain through Percy’s shoulder.

Percy thinks it’s Nico, but when he looks up the other boy is too far out of reach. The monster disintegrates, but Percy knows he hasn’t struck it on his way down. For the moment, Percy can’t do anything but let his head fall back to wallow in the pain, his eyes pressed shut as he wills himself to take a few deep breaths.

He hears Nico gasp, and the pain that his next word cause Percy is nothing compared to that in his shoulder.

_“Jason?!”_

 


	2. Chapter 2

_“Jason?!”_

 

The pain in Nico’s voice mirrors the one spreading in Percy’s chest. He sees it again, behind closed lids, the way the light faded from Jason’s eyes, his chest heaving in a last breath before his body turned cold. Percy can feel the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes already, and when he forces them open, the first begin to spill down his cheeks. His sight is swimming, but he doesn’t need to see the scene in front of him clearly to understand what’s going on.

Nico has fallen to the ground, knees drawn to his chest and his back against the wall, staring at the softly glowing silhouette at the other side of the cave. The ghost looks unsure, gaze darting from Percy to Nico and back again, until all of a sudden, it flickers out of existence. Once more, Jason is gone.

 

For a long time, neither of them can move, let alone speak. Percy is still crying, it’s hard to stop once the tears have started flowing, and when he finally manages to tear his eyes away from the place the ghost - _Jason’s ghost -_ had been in, Percy sees that Nico is crying too.  They stay quiet when Percy lets Nico pull him up, and they stay quiet when Percy winds his arms around Nico and buries his face in the crook of Nico’s neck. When Nico hugs Percy in return, he starts to sob, shoulders shaking lightly first, but soon enough it wrecks through his whole body. Nico stays quiet and rubs Percy’s back even though he too has still tears streaming down his face.

The shadows are thick around them, dancing on the walls of the cave, and Percy lets his eyes fall closed. His stomach lurches like he’s falling through an abyss, but he clings tightly to Nico and somehow, they make it back to camp. Neither of them had to say a word to agree that there was point finishing their quest anymore.

Just like the first week after Jason’s death, Percy feels like he’s falling apart. He has finally begun to heal, for Hades’ sake, but now it’s like he’s back at the start, all wounds open and bleeding.

 

Percy locks himself in his cabin as soon as they reach camp. He feels so drained, and he can’t even imagine how Nico must feel, but Percy doubts he can do anything but lie down and just not do anything for a while. Nico seems to understand, he looks tired too, worried in a strange way, and when Percy heads off he lets him without protesting.

 

It’s only minutes before curfew that night when there’s a knock on Percy’s door. He doesn’t get up, whoever it is, they are going to come in anyway if it’s important. His friends have learned that some days, Percy needs to be pushed.  
The door creaks open and Percy buries his face deeper into his pillow. He must look pathetic lying underneath all those blankets, red and blotchy face hidden so no one can see the tears that are still running own his cheeks every now and again. Percy hears the noise of someone toeing off their shoes and a moment later, the bed dips and the same someone winds their way underneath Percy’s covers.

It’s Nico, Percy only realises when the boy is scooting closer until his face is buried against Percy’s chest and his thin arms snuck tightly around Percy’s waist. His eyes are just as red as Percy suspects his own to be, but nevertheless, Percy feels some of the pain drain from him at Nico’s touch.

“He saved you today.” Nico whispers after a while, not looking at Percy anymore, but hiding his face against the fabric of Percy’s shirt and muffling his voice in the process. “He saved us both.”

“Why is he here? I…” _I don’t deserve to be saved._ Percy presses his eyes shut, finally managing to cuddle back against Nico, actively seeking out the comfort of their closeness. It’s been so long since they did this, since they were this close, and only now does Percy realise how much he has missed it too.

“I don’t know Percy.. I.. I don’t know.”

 

Two weeks later, Percy and Nico sit by the doc and stare out onto the lake. It’s strange, sitting here without Jason, and it’s the first time since they lost him that either of them managed to come down here at all.

“I felt it, when he died.” Nico whispers, his back resting against Percy’s chest, but his eyes glued to the water’s surface. All Percy can do is hold on to the smaller boy and try not to start crying. “I made sure he got the first ride down, and that he didn’t have to wait for the judges. I.. I didn’t wait for their decision. That’s when he must have slipped away.” While he speaks, Nico is tracing indecipherable patterns on the back of Percy’s hand, probably not even noticing he’s doing it. Percy sighs, closes his eyes, and lets his face drop to Nico’s shoulder for a moment.

“Did you find him?” He whispers, and his voice is hoarse in his throat. Nico shakes his head, but doesn’t answer. Percy hasn’t expected any different. It’s like it had been with Bianca, Jason hides from Nico, doesn’t come when they try to call on his ghost, no matter how much Nico’s powers have grown since then. Jason remains hidden.

 

Almost a month later, they still have no trace. Percy takes Nico home to his mother on his birthday, and while no one is crying, the mood isn’t very happy either. They joke a little, and share blue cake, but at the end of the day, there’s still only the two of them sitting on Percy’s floor. Percy wants to be angry, he really does. He wishes he could scream and rage, but the numbness is back again, stronger that it has been in a while. Not even on his birthday, Jason would answer their calls.

Maybe, if it wasn’t for Jason showing up before he disappeared, Nico would be enough to help Percy heal, but knowing that he is still out there, still restless, makes it impossible for either of the others to move on.

 

Fall comes, and with it, the beginning of Percy’s last year of school. Nico stays at camp, and Percy hugs him for far too long before he gets in his mother’s car to leave. He promised to be careful, and he meant it, and he promised to call too. Now that they have built on each other, neither Percy or Nico feels like they can let go again.

Being separated turns out to be easier than Percy had dared hoping. School actually helps Percy to take his mind off things, and while he’s having a lot of trouble keeping up, it takes up enough of his attention to still the gnawing worry and the lasting guilt in his gut. His teachers are understanding enough, they don’t know what it is, just that Percy has been through a lot, and some even go easy on him in lessons.

Percy keeps his head down and his pen close, slays monsters without a fuss or blowing up the school, and more often than not, without getting hurt. He comes home to his mum and Paul, and he calls Nico every second night, and on the weekends, he takes the drive to camp to see him. Percy starts living again, and never before has he felt guiltier for that.

 

It’s the last day before Percy’s fall break, and it’s cold in the city with the early beginning of winter, but Percy finds himself embracing the chill. He has plans for the two short weeks of freedom, his mum’s car is already packed and Nico already waiting, and Percy feels restless for most of the day. He’s not sure if it’s the excitement of getting out, but something feels off and Percy just can’t put his finger on it.

The feeling doesn’t cease and by the time the last bell rings, Percy is feeling uncomfortable. It’s nothing but a hunch, but over the last couple years, Percy had learned to trust his gut and he’s reluctant to just brush it off now. Instead of running home, Percy walks out of the school slowly, his skateboard still strapped to his backpack. There’s nothing left of his hurry, his eagerness, to get home, like something is telling Percy he won’t like what he finds there. On normal days, it takes Percy a little more than thirty minutes to get home, today it’s almost an hour. He slows even more when he’s out of the tube and walking the last distance to his mum's apartment, the hunch having turned into a feeling of dread.  Something _is_ wrong, Percy is sure of it now. _What if it’s Nico? What if he’s hurt?_

Gripped by a sudden worry, Percy starts walking faster after all, eventually running down the last block. He skids around the corner, almost losing his balance and stumbling over his feet the few steps to the door before he stops dead in his tracks.

The first thing he sees is a pair of feet too large to be either his mum’s or Nico’s. His eyes widen, and Percy is half afraid to look up, but his eyes move on their own accord. He takes in the jeans-clad legs, the half dirty, half ripped violet shirt and before he even gets to meeting the other one’s eyes, tears cloud his vision.

The blonde smiles, runs his fingers through his hair awkwardly and shrugs. “Surprise?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * _evil cackling_ *
> 
> let me know what you thought of this :3


	3. Chapter 3

Percy is absolutely certain he is dreaming, or hallucinating maybe, anything that would explain _Jason_ standing in front of him alive and smiling and _well_ except for his tattered shirt. He must have been staring,  because Jason is looking worried now - if it is even _him_ and not some monster about to have Percy for lunch.

"Percy...are you okay?" Maybe-Jason asks, pushing himself off the wall and taking half a step toward Percy to reach out for him. Instinctively, Percy shies away.

"Don't fucking touch me." He hisses, looking at the blonde in bewilderment. If it is a monster, it's doing one hell of a good job masking itself. Percy’s gut isn’t telling him he's in danger, the feeling from earlier has been replaced by a warmth that Percy doesn’t know what to make of, a feeling like coming after a long fight.

The thing that might or might not be Jason stares at him, eyes flashing with hurt, and Percy only gets even more confused.

"You're dead!" He shouts finally, shocking Jason with the volume of his voice. Saying the words is all it takes to make the tears spill out of Percy’s eyes again, running hot and wet down his cheeks.  "I _watched_ the light fade from your eyes. I saw your ghost, you're dead!"

Percy’s yelling is starting to draw the neighbor's attention. The old lady from 1b is looking out of her window frowning, phone in hand like she's already considering calling the police.

Before that can happen, Jason grabs Percy’s arm and pulls him back through the door still open behind them. The touch is solid, and it isn't freezing cold like that of Jason’s ghost had been... if this _is_ him, then he really is alive.

"I can explain... if you let me." Jason whispers, leaning in a little too close for Percy’s comfort. He doesn’t trust this yet, doesn’t trust him yet, and he sure as Hades doesn’t trust any intimacy. Percy takes a step back, glares at Jason once for good measure, before he crosses his arms over his chest and nods.

Jason opens his mouth like he's searching for the words, wringing his hands in front of his stomach. Just when Percy thinks he is finally about to start talking, they hear someone running and jumping down the stairs.

"Percy?!" ...It’s  Nico. Of course it is. With how long Percy has taken for his way home today, Nico must have been here before him.   
"I heard shouting. Are you - ..." Nico stops dead in his tracks on top of the last flight of stairs, his eyes widening in shock when his eyes land on Jason. His sword his drawn and his hair up in a ponytail like he had expected a fight, and even now his stance doesn’t lose any of it’s tension. Jason backs away even further to the wall when he sees Nico, like Percy’s confused anger alone wasn’t scary enough. It's very quiet for a moment, then Nico narrows his eyes and sheaths his sword, walking down the stairs slowly like a predator advancing his prey.

"You better have a really good explanation." Nico growls, not at Jason, but at Percy. His eyes are dark in a way that make Percy shudder and try to back away, but backing away means moving toward Jason, and Percy sure isn’t going to do that either. "If you have messed with ..."

"It wasn’t him!" Jason interrupts before Nico is done staring Percy down and stabbing his chest with a finger, and both their gazes snap up to the blonde. "I did it by myself."

Nico mirrors Percy’s posture then, arms crossed and jaw set, waiting for Jason to elaborate. He doesn’t apologize, and Percy doesn’t need him to. In Nico’s place, Percy probably would have made the same assumption: That Percy had messed with something out of his control to bring back their friend.

Unlike Percy earlier, Nico doesn’t seem to have any doubts it _is_ Jason though. Percy trusts Nico's judgement enough to let go of his own worries, at least those about ending up as a monster snack.

With a sigh, Jason leans back against the wall and starts his story.

A soul for a soul, that's the trade he had hoped for the second Nico had brought him down to the underworld. It had taken some time, especially since Jason was busy looking out for Percy all the time, but when Nico eventually started taking care of that, Jason started his search. He found one eventually, one of the few souls remaining that had escaped when the doors of death were opened and that Thanatos hadn’t caught yet himself. Jason fought them, dragged the thing down to Hades and in return, got his own life back. Jason admits he doesn’t know how much time has passed since his death, it’s hard to keep track of that once you’re not part of the world of the living anymore, but he has a feeling it was a while.

Nico nods along through the story, and while Percy isn't sure he can really make sense of it, Nico seems to think it's legit.

"Why?" Nico starts when Jason is done, worrying his lower lip between his teeth and looking at Percy for a second before he goes on.  "Why did you come back?"

The question hurts, the pain flashes clear in Jason’s eyes and Percy thinks too that there probably was a better way to phrase this.

"I wasn't ready to let you go. And… and I saw how much you struggled. All that pain... just because I made a mistake." He grimaces, the guilt showing strong on his face and his shoulders hanging like they carried the weight if the world.

"That's why you ignored our summons." Nico concludes, his voice much softer than the cool tone he has spoken with before. "All the times we reached out for you... you were fighting to come back?"

Before Jason can answer, Percy steps forward, crowds the taller boy against the wall and - much to both Jason's and Nico's  surprise - winds his arms around him. The hug is all but gentle, it's fierce and desperate and Percy knows it's what it looks like too, but he can't stay away a second longer. Neither the confusion, not the anger can overshadow the joy he feels at seeing Jason again now, at knowing it _is_ him and that he won’t leave again.  
It takes a moment, but eventually Jason's hugs him back, pulling Percy against his chest and into a tight embrace.

"I missed you." Percy whispers, quiet and broken in a way, like all the strength he had put into fighting to live on after Jason was gone has now drained from him. He feels weak, but protected too, more so than he would ever admit.  In the end, it's not like he can deny this though, not to himself and not in the eyes of his friends. In a way, Percy thinks he is okay with that.

Jason rubs Percy’s back until he has calmed down again, until he feels steady enough on his own two feet to let go of Jason and until the last of his tears have dried away. Nico steps closer to them too then, punching Jason’s chest halfheartedly before they are hugging as well. Percy pretends not to see Nico quickly wiping a tear away, and he pretends not to hear how hoarse Nico’s voice is when he whispers a quiet threat into Jason’s ear.   
“Don’t you ever dare leaving us again.”

 

* * *

 

 

"You're cheating." Jason grumbles, watching Percy’s stone skin almost twenty times before it goes under. This time it's not a dream, there's no looming threat of waking up and finding your best friend dead and gone and no fear of an inevitable end. Percy doesn’t remember ever having felt this light.

He flips another stone, grinning at Jason when this one goes even farther.

"Nope. You just suck." Percy snickers, nudging Jason gently and getting an eye roll instead of a response. They’re too close, almost nose to nose, but after having lost Jason once for what he thought was forever, Percy can’t bring himself to mind this anymore. He brushes his nose against Jason’s, making the blonde grin and blush, before he averts his own gaze again. Percy’s cheeks are pink too when he looks onto the water again and maybe saying he doesn’t care about what this means at all is exaggerating.

"You're both idiots." Nico mumbles from where his head is resting in Percy’s lap, eyes closed underneath his sunglasses and feet propped up against the post of the dock. The boy is smiling though, no matter how hard he is trying to hide it,  and Percy finds himself smiling back without thinking about it.

If he had nothing but the two of them, he’d still have more than enough to be happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm. I don't know. let me know what you thought of it? c:

**Author's Note:**

> yes yes, finally going to write the second part of this. soon. I promise :D
> 
> until then, let me know what you think down below ;)


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